Hi, I’m Czarlenne Benner, Rhy’s Above Board Member, friend and neighbor of Jen & James. I’m here for Rhyland, my kiddos, and all the kids struggling out there, even the ones that aren’t but be might one day! The thing is, the pandemic brought our neighborhood together in a way that wasn’t there before. When Jen & James lost Rhyland, we all felt the loss like he was our own child. I just started to get to know Rhyland during the early days of the pandemic. He seemed so happy whenever I saw him… always being polite, silly, goofy, carefree and just overall being a “kid,” but like many, he held it in and didn’t talk about it. If you know me, you know, the truth is, “I don’t want to talk about it.” It feels like nobody does and that’s a big part of the problem.
Like many, I’ve experienced my own struggles with mental health challenges throughout various periods in my life. Even when you’re “doing good,” when you’ve hit the lowest of the lows, your subconscious is acutely aware that you’re potentially one setback away from crisis. It colors your experiences. Your friendships. Your life... and when you do “talk about it” the feedback is often, how others have it worse than you. You have a great life, what do you have to feel sad about? And that shutters the door to conversation. To healing.
Once upon a time, I was a teacher. On the daily I watched brilliant, compassionate children struggle. Toeing the delicate balance of knowing I am only one person and not their parent while providing social and emotional learning, compassion, and everything within my power to help them succeed. At the same time, I’m aware that the way kids hear their parents can be different than what they take away from other adult role models and did my best to be a bright encouraging light in their day. We all have our moments though. Hours upon hours were spent working towards building confidence, resiliency, and coping skills for the toughest moments. Lofty goals you never really know if you’ve achieved especially teaching young children. Necessary parts of learning still debated at school board meetings today.
Now I’m a full-time stay-at-home mom, volunteer, and child advocate. Today I see our nation’s youth, particularly in Downingtown, struggling at an unprecedented level. And not enough people want to talk about it. You might ask, why talk about it? What does talking about it actually do? First, access to therapy is limited by a number of factors unique to each individual, not to mention waiting lists months long. However, the shame and stigma associated with mental health, reaching out, asking for help is listed as the number one blocker to treatment. Youth mental health has been declared a crisis by numerous organizations. Read a few of our Executive Directors blogs to learn more. Or really, just google it.
In the end, I still “don’t want to talk about it.” But here I am. Showing up. Talking about it. Because my children, your children, the next generation, means enough to me to admit that it’s ok to not be ok and it’s about time we talked about it and help each other.